i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
