I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
