Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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