my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
