i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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