I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
