I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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