separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize