i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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