are you still at the devil's house?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
