Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You left your phone here
Wait...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
