Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
