so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
