you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i drank out of a bidet.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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