Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
