I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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