She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
