Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
