OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
3 2 1 whiskey
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
