So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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