She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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