I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
