Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it's like iHOP with fire
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
