dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
