My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
