Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
