We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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