If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize