Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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