What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
