I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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