i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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