if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
