For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
