talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
