I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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