Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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