I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
