That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize