It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
