I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
