I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
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