you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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