Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Randomize
