I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
