I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
