You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
