So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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