I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
