Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Holy shit dude........stairs
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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