I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
