At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
