One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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