She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
