So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
