is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Randomize
