I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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