I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
