just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
