I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
