this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
