first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize