Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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