Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
now i know why i became what i already was.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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