I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
