i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
