i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
