You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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