Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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