i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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