It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
