so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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