I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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