dude i'm inner monologue high
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
