She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
