It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
