you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just high enough for therapy.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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