he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
