how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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