I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
time to smoke my breakfast
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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