so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
