It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
