I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
