you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
