My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize