Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
