Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
