dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize