let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize