Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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