Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
