I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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