like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
