Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
