It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
