break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
