I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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