I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
