Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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