if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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