The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
