TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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